Do a literal monster mash in Dance of Theseus, a strangely undisgusting blend of plastic surgery and Balatro-style fashion battles
It is time to confront the terrible truth that I once took part in a school fashion show. I ran in two categories, Ballroom and Street, a serious test of range for a kid who had only just mastered the daredevil technique of wearing a shirt without a tie. In the Ballroom bracket, I was asked to do a waltz in an Indian wedding gown provided by a local sponsor who, I can only assume, immediately went out of business. In Street, I had to wear a Gap hoodtop and shoot a fire-eater (one of the Cool Teachers) with a Super Soaker, while some other lost soul moonwalked down the runway in a golden suit.
In retrospect, I am filing all this under the secret umbrella category of God's Greatest Mistake. There is exactly no photographic evidence, and I will thank you not to search for any on Facebook. It's so much less upsetting being a fashion model in Dance of Theseus, which might sound weird given that in Dance of Theseus, you don't just swap outfits – you graft on new heads, arms and legs, either bought from sniffy griffon dressmakers or moulded together out of seashells, horned skulls, and scraps of shimmering hide. Created by Shanghai-based Citreat Studio, it's a cheerful, colourful and somehow unrevolting life sim RPG with a kind of Balatro-esque Frankensteinmaxxing element. I've been playing the demo, and it's both entertaining and a source of endless inspiration. Argh, if only I'd had access to this, when I was 16!!!